While fetish fashions like leather corsets and collars are fairly common in mainstream culture, BDSM — the subculture that created these fashions — remains a mystery to most people. Our customers questions range from “Doesn’t that hurt?” to “Am I normal for wanting to do this?” We’ll answer these and a host of other common questions about BDSM in this beginner’s guide. What’s BDSM Stand for, Anyway?
First, let’s define BDSM. It’s a fairly recent term that encompasses consensual explorations of sensation and/or power dynamics. Categories like Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism are part of BDSM and can include acts like biting, spanking, tying up your partner, wearing nipple clamps, playing with sensations like ice cubes and hot wax, making use of blindfolds and gags, and role-playing, such as partners taking on dominant and submissive roles.
The most common question we hear is “But why would anyone like pain?” Remember that BDSM is an exploration of erotic sensation. Being blindfolded and tied up while your partner massages your shoulders and then drips hot wax on your back is a very different experience than visiting the dentist for that long overdue cleaning. When aroused, our bodies process sensations differently, and sometimes a bite or a spank can suddenly feel exquisite.
People love BDSM because it gets their motors revving. It’s fun, exciting, and it feels good. It can be an emotional thrill, a great way to reinvigorate a relationship or to connect with a partner and create intimacy. BDSM isn’t just a different kind of sex. Elements of BDSM that make you hot can be incorporated into your current sexual repertoire.
“Safe, Sane, and Consensual”
That’s the motto of the BDSM community. While a BDSM exchange can look intimidating, it’s important to know that the people involved have talked beforehand and decided what they would like to experience together It’s this process that clearly separates BDSM from abuse. Communication and consent are the tools that people who enjoy BDSM use to keep themselves and their partners safe.
Some people are afraid that if they consent to some aspect of BDSM play, they’ll never be able to say “no” if they decide they don’t like spanking or bondage after all. Remember that you are in complete control of how you act on your desires. And you have a right to use your safeword (see safety tip later on), change your mind, or re-negotiate at any time.
Other people are afraid that once they experience stronger sensations, they will want more and more. That might happen, but it’s unlikely that trying out a set of nipple clamps will be a one-way ticket to the dungeon and a full-time master/slave relationship.
